So, last night I had this seemingly disturbing dream. It was pretty abstract, jumping from one "scene" to another. Anyway, I dreamt that I was running down the hallway of an old and run-down sky scraper that sat along the coast of crashing waves, the building has many floors and was kind of built into the side of the cliff long the water. The entire building's water-facing wall was all windows, with a dingy yellow light illuminating from them. Im was running along the hallway on the top floor. Nobody else was in the building, no one was chasing me, I was just running. I reached the end of the hallway and went out the door to the mini balcony/fire escape and stopped. Felt I could and needed to run farther.
Cut to...dancing...me, dancing, lol. It was full on aerobic, full body extension, exaggerated movement type dancing. I dont do this in real life of course, but in the dream, it felt amazing to move like that. Anyway, I was dancing in front of this outdoor stage in which there was no performer, but loud music was playing anyway. And a kind of county fair atmosphere going on in the background. The music stopped after a while, and I was ticked that I couldn't dance more.
Cut to...the "scary part"...I was standing in front of an old looking oval mirror, with a thick gold, scroly/ornate frame. There is one of those mirrors in the room I am staying in at my friend's house at the moment. I also own a similar mirror that I have since painted black...I digress. Anyway, I am standing in front of this mirror. I am not really trying to see myself, but I cannot, reguardless. Some kind of mystical gypsy wanders up and materializes somehow at my side. She has long flowing black hair and appears as though she's standing near a fan. You know, how the models do it? She just looked as though she was standing in the wind while being in a still room. So the first image I see in the mirror is of this gypsy woman held up on a thin plate type surface, a circular image. It quickly crumbles from her hand into dust. Then she kind of looks at the mirror, then at me, though not directly, and I hear this loud shreiking scream. I tried to scream as well to offset the terror I felt when I hear this gypsy woman's shreik. But it just got louder and scarier, and that's what woke me up.
So I got on this computer of friend's here while he is still sleeping and started looking up the key images of the dream....here's what I found.
The buiding: Represents your level of conciousness. Bottom floors or basements represent supressed or deeply rooted feelings desires, and ideas. The upper floors represent spiritual and intuitive feelings, with the top floor being the highest level of spirituality, or inner thoughts and feelings, your gut feelings, how you interpret life's meaning, all that.
Running...symbolizes freedom. Just running to run, even enjoying the run is a symbol of freedom. I was running with a slight sense of urgency, but not trying to get away from anything or anyone. So Im kind of self-interpreting that as taking charge of my own freedom and not trying to fit into anyone's box of what I think that people think I am like. Does that make sense? Like taking back control of myself, not letting anyone shape my definition but me. This, I think, makes sense since Ive recently reunited with people I haven't seen in several years, and I observe changes in them, but remember how I used to be around them and not wanting to crawl in that mental state again. One where I don't have much of an opinion and go along with anything that comes along. I could go into much greater detail on this one, but lets just say the running makes sense to me.
Dancing alone in your dream......Represents an expression of creativity or self. "Dancing is a form of art where you free yourself from constraints and move with a rhythm. Thus, to dream that you are dancing reflects your current happy state. Currently, you are blessed with feelings of tranquility and balance being instilled in your life. You have a tremendous amount of inspiration and creative energy, waiting to be released."
The gyps, crumbling image....again a very mystical symbolism here as well. The crumbling image is what I saw myself as before, and it was going away, being reinvented.
Screaming.....a symbol of deep-seated emotions or ideas that you have consciously been supressing, too afraid to express, etc. Keeping feelings inside until boiling point is something I am quite familiar with.
So, a dream that ended up kinda scary, really wasn't after all. Dancing was a way to express my creativity and joy. I was also chasing down my own psychologogical freedom at my highest level of spiritual consciousness. My old image of myself is shattered and now being reformed, and the screaming is a way to get all the old junk out! Overall, a pretty positive dream.
I would encourage everyone to look up the key images of their dreams. Especially in the scarier ones, it's nice to know that they are bad things at all!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Looking a gift horse in the mouth...
As those closest to me know, my in-laws are overly generous, to put it mildly. My husband, our kitties and doggies currently live in a house purchased for us. I don't know why they decided to do this. But would you really question it if someone offered that to you? I think not! They did the same for my husband's brother. Things like this, as I have come to know, are the way that my father in-law shows his love. I believe that this is one of the only ways he knows how. Which is wonderful, of course, and I am grateful beyond words, but...I have one question.
Why would you give someone a house in which the occupants have no hopes of being able to take over the financial responsibilities for? I'm talking about the mortage, the property taxes, the house-sized utility bills, and Im sure there are other house related expenses that I dont even know about like maintenance and repairs. We have, so far, only been resonsible for one of the utilities; cable/internet. Must be nice, right? Not especially. We have now been handed the electric/gas bill. These two bills alone will take up half of our current income. Yes, seriously-half. And get this: We make TOO MUCH for food stamps! Maybe I should just pop out 5 kids real quick and THEN we would get some help. The "system" is so retarded, yes I said retarded!
The internet is necessary for me to attend school, and we currently have the most basic package we could get. So unfortunately, this bill is pretty fixed. I have haggled over and over again with the cable company, threatening to go to the competition, and they cannot make it any lower.
I am in the home-stretch of my schooling and am taking an extra class next term to finish faster. After that term, I will begin my (unpaid) externship as part of my degree program. Then it's entry level city. So there's no holy grail at the end of school, like some people may have been thinking. With hard work and a promotion or two within a few year's time, I'll be lucky to make over $35K/year. So, it WILL get better but not by leaps and bounds.
However, taking another class in addition to the others I would already take, means I cannot work...at all. You may be thinking, "BS! I know people that go to school full time AND work full time AND have 4 kids." Then I reply, "Shove it!" because I was working 30-35 per week over the summer, had to repeat a single class twice, and nearly flunked out of school. If I had not passed that last class on the third try, they would have kicked me out altogether. I am already over $25K in the hole with student loans, so I absolutely refuse to quit. Even though the "easy" option right now would be to quit school and get some dead-end full time job to make ends meet, I won't go that route because I don't want to be spinning my financial wheels until I just fall apart, yanno?
I have to now figure out how to feed 2 adults and 4 animals, clothe the both of us, have all the needed supplies in the kitchen and bathrooms, keep the cars filled with gas, and pay for school. Yes I get financial aid for school, but I still have a monthly payment.
To someone not in my situation, I can easily understand how this rant appears to be whining. And I am well aware that someone always has it worse than me. It just seems that as hard as we try to do the right thing, make good choices, and get ahead, that nothing ever comes of it. What's all the effort for if we cannot get the things we need on our own?
Can anyone else relate to this? Or is this just a "Welcome to life!" moment that I am stressing over, and many other people have these same issues?
I guess the lesson I'm learning from all this is that even gifts cost money. Just thinking out loud here because I am confused about what to do next.
Why would you give someone a house in which the occupants have no hopes of being able to take over the financial responsibilities for? I'm talking about the mortage, the property taxes, the house-sized utility bills, and Im sure there are other house related expenses that I dont even know about like maintenance and repairs. We have, so far, only been resonsible for one of the utilities; cable/internet. Must be nice, right? Not especially. We have now been handed the electric/gas bill. These two bills alone will take up half of our current income. Yes, seriously-half. And get this: We make TOO MUCH for food stamps! Maybe I should just pop out 5 kids real quick and THEN we would get some help. The "system" is so retarded, yes I said retarded!
The internet is necessary for me to attend school, and we currently have the most basic package we could get. So unfortunately, this bill is pretty fixed. I have haggled over and over again with the cable company, threatening to go to the competition, and they cannot make it any lower.
I am in the home-stretch of my schooling and am taking an extra class next term to finish faster. After that term, I will begin my (unpaid) externship as part of my degree program. Then it's entry level city. So there's no holy grail at the end of school, like some people may have been thinking. With hard work and a promotion or two within a few year's time, I'll be lucky to make over $35K/year. So, it WILL get better but not by leaps and bounds.
However, taking another class in addition to the others I would already take, means I cannot work...at all. You may be thinking, "BS! I know people that go to school full time AND work full time AND have 4 kids." Then I reply, "Shove it!" because I was working 30-35 per week over the summer, had to repeat a single class twice, and nearly flunked out of school. If I had not passed that last class on the third try, they would have kicked me out altogether. I am already over $25K in the hole with student loans, so I absolutely refuse to quit. Even though the "easy" option right now would be to quit school and get some dead-end full time job to make ends meet, I won't go that route because I don't want to be spinning my financial wheels until I just fall apart, yanno?
I have to now figure out how to feed 2 adults and 4 animals, clothe the both of us, have all the needed supplies in the kitchen and bathrooms, keep the cars filled with gas, and pay for school. Yes I get financial aid for school, but I still have a monthly payment.
To someone not in my situation, I can easily understand how this rant appears to be whining. And I am well aware that someone always has it worse than me. It just seems that as hard as we try to do the right thing, make good choices, and get ahead, that nothing ever comes of it. What's all the effort for if we cannot get the things we need on our own?
Can anyone else relate to this? Or is this just a "Welcome to life!" moment that I am stressing over, and many other people have these same issues?
I guess the lesson I'm learning from all this is that even gifts cost money. Just thinking out loud here because I am confused about what to do next.
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